What is it about being a mom that makes us feel like we have to be completely perfect? As soon as you give birth, you are under some sort of pressure that never existed before. Just the title “mom” comes with so many demands, so many opinions and so many critics – most of them probably from ourselves. And not only do you have to be perfect in how you dress your kids, raise them, feed them, interact with their schools and arrange after school activities, no you have to be perfect in every single area of your whole entire life! For example, before I had kids I had no problem having friends over when my house wasn’t just cleaned that very same day. Now, everything has to be almost spotless before I will let anyone in. I even have to convince myself that five year old kids won’t tell on me to their parents if they notice it has been a week since the bathroom was cleaned!
We probably all want to look like the perfect mom but the things that are required from a perfect mom is not humanly possible! I honestly do not think that there is one single “perfect mom” out there. Everyone has their flaws. Or to put it in a nicer way, prioritize differently. The problem is that in the struggle to become that perfect mom (who isn’t possible) we end up stressing ourselves out so much that we cannot give our best to our children. Maybe the so-called perfect mom appears to be perfect on the surface but she might be on the edge with her kids because she is stressed out trying to be so perfect – or at least appear to be. And one of the most important things as a parent is to be there for children – be emotionally and socially available when they need it. So they know they will be listened to, that their needs will be met and that they have a safe and peaceful home to return to. Not a crazy home where everyone is on the verge of collapsing from stress. While I was writing this post, I discovered that the Danish psychotherapist and author behind the international bestseller The Danish Way of Parenting, Iben Sandahl, just wrote an article in Psychology Today about the importance of a safe home and predictable routines in raising happy children. The article offers useful advice on how to create a better and happier everyday routine (link: Predictability Leads to Positive Habits).
And here is my point: we can all deal better with other people, including our kids, when we make room for ourselves, are happy and take good care of ourselves. When I have low energy and haven’t done something for myself for a while I am much more likely to scream at my kids, be impatient and grumpy. I assume it is the same for most people. So what good is this race of being a so-called perfect mom when the perfect mom is an impossible ideal we push upon ourselves and others? When the struggle to be perfect exhausts us and probably makes a good deal of moms pretty unpleasant to be around?
Therefore, I recommend letting go of that vanity. Lets invite kids and moms over even if our houses aren’t top shiny. It is just vanity. Isn’t it more important that our kids get to play with their friends and that we get some adult company than we get to show off a perfect house?
Whenever the pressure gets too high my very best “mom therapy” is to watch the movie Bad Moms Rent here 😉. If you haven’t watched it yet, I highly recommend it! It is a chill pill every mom should take every now and then. It says all these things about getting your priorities straight and remember that what is most important is to love our kids, not that we – or our children – are perfect (whatever that means)! And kids can help out. In fact it is good for their self-confidence to feel needed plus they will become nicer people if they learn to help around the house. It is not only ok to give yourself a break, let loose and be a “Bad Mom” every now and then – it is healthy for you and your family!